Disconnected

It's red wine weather again. And stoned on a rainy Saturday afternoon weather. I've been needing an escape, as the vacation honeymoon has long since passed. Sometimes late at night the highway traffic sounds like the ocean. Sometimes the Bay Area feels too big for someone without a car. I miss being in school, meeting new people, drinking lots of beer while writing papers. And then I think about the feeling of being drunk alone in a strange city where no one is speaking your language. Wool-gathering weather. Hm.

I think too much.

I've been a hermit this month. Returning from a long trip makes you take stock. Like for some reason you have to examine the life you came back to and wonder why you bother when you could just cash everything in, pack a big suitcase, and go.

Home feels homier lately too. I think I always get more antisocial in winter, but I always feel like it's unnatural when the weather changes and I start to crave red wine and the couch.

San Francisco is a weird city. I feel like I see all of the shitty parts of it when I'm there. And I'm missing the quiet corners of the city that make it what it's famous for. I want to live by the ocean again. I always imagined living in one of those pastel houses by Ocean Beach when I was growing up here. Might be nice. I'd save money on the bart, that's for sure.

I think I'm going to have to get back to academia soon. The corporate world is getting to me lately. Maybe I'll go part time and take some classes at SFSU. What's the point of trying to work up to a different position if the end result is something I'm not really into? I hate having to play nice to a bunch of morons who have way too much money and absolutely no idea what they fuck it is that they're doing.

I heart my cousin. She's a peach.