Slow Gurkin

I have some friends that I wish I could talk to more and with whom I could speak more honestly. I have some friends who I wish would never leave. Some I wish could get their ever-loving shit together. But for the most part - none of them really know me. Oooo - I know - I'm so obscure. I'm not citing it as a positive trait. We don't all go through life play-acting at our loved ones, do we?

Bygones.

I'm upset to say goodbye to a friend tonight. Not just someone I met through work who doesn't matter - but someone who I connected with on a very basic level. And why is it that you always wait until the last moment you have before you notice how crucial someone is to your life? Or is that just me?

All I can hope is that the two of our lives have intersected in a way that resonates with each party. That the connection is one that leaves an impression on both of us. Because really what does everyone have - what makes us who we are - except the sum of our experiences?

How much heady introspection can I pack into one day? A lot. From morning until early morning next, apparently. Someone told me today that I'm constantly expecting people to change - to be different than - themselves. 1) Is this true? 2) Don't I just expect the best out of people? 3) Doesn't everyone?

I think I'm also prey to the beast of flawed perception. I can only see from this very restrictive peep-hole. And I expect others to also look through, because to look through is to meet me and to connect. Such is music a shared perception of emotion - and should thus be well used as an emotional rorschach.

And if you don't enjoy shivering in the cold night quiet, don't waste my time. Is that so irrational?

Cat Power - You Are Free. Good god-damn album.