Slow Gurkin

I have some friends that I wish I could talk to more and with whom I could speak more honestly. I have some friends who I wish would never leave. Some I wish could get their ever-loving shit together. But for the most part - none of them really know me. Oooo - I know - I'm so obscure. I'm not citing it as a positive trait. We don't all go through life play-acting at our loved ones, do we?

Bygones.

I'm upset to say goodbye to a friend tonight. Not just someone I met through work who doesn't matter - but someone who I connected with on a very basic level. And why is it that you always wait until the last moment you have before you notice how crucial someone is to your life? Or is that just me?

All I can hope is that the two of our lives have intersected in a way that resonates with each party. That the connection is one that leaves an impression on both of us. Because really what does everyone have - what makes us who we are - except the sum of our experiences?

How much heady introspection can I pack into one day? A lot. From morning until early morning next, apparently. Someone told me today that I'm constantly expecting people to change - to be different than - themselves. 1) Is this true? 2) Don't I just expect the best out of people? 3) Doesn't everyone?

I think I'm also prey to the beast of flawed perception. I can only see from this very restrictive peep-hole. And I expect others to also look through, because to look through is to meet me and to connect. Such is music a shared perception of emotion - and should thus be well used as an emotional rorschach.

And if you don't enjoy shivering in the cold night quiet, don't waste my time. Is that so irrational?

Cat Power - You Are Free. Good god-damn album.

16th & Valencia

I got off work and headed to the Mission to meet my buddy tonight - and when I got there it was kind of a disaster. He was sitting at a table at this coffee shop talking to one of the regulars in that kind of circular drunk way. My arrival was kind of half-way recognized from his stupor of booze and god knows what else. I had a beer, smoked some weed and tried to get out of him why he was so fucked up (he's got tolerance of steel, my friends) and eventually just put him in a cab and sent the poor dude home. Which was actually kind of perfect, because my whole family is staying at a hotel in south city and my cousin is sleeping. I have the living room to myself and I'm sitting here digging the silence and drinking some wine. But I need to pull that dude aside and have one of those drunken-stoned let's talk about life type of evenings.

It's been family visit month so far in March. It's only going to get worse in April. My life is officially all about my sister's wedding right now. Boo.

I'm trying to figure out how I have time to move in the next month or so. My folks are getting serious about buying a house - which means I have to get serious about finding a cheaper place. Apartments should just fall in your lap. That would be sweet. You know what's not sweet - my Mom trying to convince me to buy a house. Wow. It's cute that she thinks I'm in any way ready or capable to do so. I think.

I have rediscovered Cat Powers - and by this - Nina Simone. Sweet.

So on to the small bits of social life I actually have left.

I had a small shindig at the casa. Works peeps. They brought the hookah and I cooked the food. Dave Simon brought his dog. Pics to prove I'm not all introspective delusion.

Dave Simon. Hookah. Intense Oakland sky.


Chelsea playing Prince of Persia in the corner. (No, we didn't notice the theme.)


Frank is intimidated by her skillz.

End social life.

White wine. Nina Simone. Waxing poetic on a blog.

You know what I want to do when I grow up? Go back to school and research odd phenomena like dead kid's myspace pages used as memorials. You ask why. I answer because what else is there to do? I may as well contribute to the philosophical and theoretical parts of society and teach or something. Instead of having meetings about establishing processes and streamlining workflow. What a waste of energy.

Onwards.