NYE 2009
Well, for one, I resolve to not drunk blog on Christmas Eve anymore. I thought about taking the last post down, but decided against it since the thoughts were there and valid and real. I could correct the typos, since I only very fuzzily recall writing the last few paragraphs. We'll see if I get to it, eh?
To recap when more sober and clearly with better perspective, I suppose I am not dealing well with the upcoming transitions that the people I care about in my life are going through right now. It's not so much that I feel as if I'm missing the boat as I feel that the boat is leaving with me on it way before I'm ready.
However, I hereby vow to be kind and graceful when I need to this year. When so much is up in the air with my own future, I know that regardless of what lies ahead for my loved ones, they will need to lean on me - and I on them. I only hope that I am able to support when called upon and have those to call upon when I am in need.
Perhaps I should explain, as modestly as possible, the feeling that overtakes me when I think about those I've spent time with growing up taking on the lives of our mothers and fathers. Marriage, children, mortgages, corporate jobs - I suppose it makes me yearn for bare feet and freshly cut grass, for endless summer nights and long winter days spent inside in front of the television. For running buddies.
As soon as another one of my loved ones decides to tackle the task of growing up and settling down, it means one less compadre for me. And while I wish them all well and wish to keep up with their lives, there becomes evident a great divide between those who have and those who have not yet begun the process. Another creak sounds as the water of a lake settles into its glassy surface of ice for winter.
I am not equipped to handle these transitions. How do I talk someone through the fears of having their first child? How do I council someone who is making preparations for their wedding? And why does it seem as if everything in my life is prioritized just under these momentous events? And why do I as yet have no real desire for settling down?
I guess I can only promise to handle all the snags I know are down the line with as much honesty and tact as possible. I'm rolling up my sleeves, 2009. And I'm ready to get to work.
Happy New Year's!
To recap when more sober and clearly with better perspective, I suppose I am not dealing well with the upcoming transitions that the people I care about in my life are going through right now. It's not so much that I feel as if I'm missing the boat as I feel that the boat is leaving with me on it way before I'm ready.
However, I hereby vow to be kind and graceful when I need to this year. When so much is up in the air with my own future, I know that regardless of what lies ahead for my loved ones, they will need to lean on me - and I on them. I only hope that I am able to support when called upon and have those to call upon when I am in need.
Perhaps I should explain, as modestly as possible, the feeling that overtakes me when I think about those I've spent time with growing up taking on the lives of our mothers and fathers. Marriage, children, mortgages, corporate jobs - I suppose it makes me yearn for bare feet and freshly cut grass, for endless summer nights and long winter days spent inside in front of the television. For running buddies.
As soon as another one of my loved ones decides to tackle the task of growing up and settling down, it means one less compadre for me. And while I wish them all well and wish to keep up with their lives, there becomes evident a great divide between those who have and those who have not yet begun the process. Another creak sounds as the water of a lake settles into its glassy surface of ice for winter.
I am not equipped to handle these transitions. How do I talk someone through the fears of having their first child? How do I council someone who is making preparations for their wedding? And why does it seem as if everything in my life is prioritized just under these momentous events? And why do I as yet have no real desire for settling down?
I guess I can only promise to handle all the snags I know are down the line with as much honesty and tact as possible. I'm rolling up my sleeves, 2009. And I'm ready to get to work.
Happy New Year's!
posted by Black Sheep Girl at 8:40 PM
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