Disturbingly Content

I'm actually concerned that one day the idea of a whiskey (neat) and a cigarette smoked inside with all the windows open will be unappealing. Which is to say that I am therefore not ready to admit that I'm not over the dull, fuzzy high of alcohol and weed and my drunken meanderings through my own thoughts.

Do sober people have this degree of introspection? Because if not then I want none of it. If sobriety and responsibility means becoming a complete snooze of a person who happens to be married with kids, then I want no part of it.

But why else do I listen to music where men sing softly about loves lost? Aren't we all just looking for kindred spirits?

I have to say I'm completely, disturbingly content right now. I am, and at the same time, I'm absolutely restless. Because what does it all mean, the day in and the day out of drunken encounters? Is the fact that I think I'll drink too much until I find the right dude to help me see the good in sober, quotidian existence a bad thing?

And who is going to appreciate my obsessive compulsion with grammar and punctuation? The tiny details that no on else beside me can see - is noticing these things intimacy?